Luxury Consulting Firm Launches Eloquence Embellishment EngineTM
This new specialist service is designed to eliminate, once and for all, a phenomenon that, while once widespread in the luxury hospitality scene, has become increasingly rare: the employment of plain and straightforward language.
Gone are the days when a hotel stay could be simply ‘enjoyable’ or a dinner ‘delicious’.
In today’s world, where every moment is an opportunity for distinction, humdrum descriptors are as passé as last season’s fashion, as outdated as dial-up internet. It seems that the modern connoisseur seeks excellence and a narrative that paints each experience as meticulously crafted, curated, and choreographed – a symphony of superlatives.
“The Eloquence Embellishment Engine is our response to the growing cry for a language that matches the unparalleled quality of the service it describes,” says Piers Schmidt, the semantic sorcerer behind Luxury Branding. “Why offer a guest room when you can invite guests into an ‘ethereally ensconced slumber chamber’? Why merely serve breakfast when you can dramatise a ‘dawn-breaking gastronomic odyssey’?”
Powered by the Eloquence Embellishment Engine, luxury hoteliers will now be enabled to take the ordinary – that stark, bare-bones authenticity of genuine quality service – and adorn it with a veritable cornucopia of linguistic finery.
Luxury Branding’s articulate artisans will lead clients on a thesaurus-deep expedition, ensuring no synonym goes unexplored and no adjective unexercised. Turbocharged by the Eloquence Embellishment Engine, even the most prosaic product may be bedecked in verbal velvet, transcending the ordinary to touch the sublime.
Highlights of the new service include:
Euphoric Elevation of the Everyday: lift a simple ‘check-in’ to a ‘transcendental arrival experience’. Transform a ‘spa’ into a ‘sanctuary of celestial serenity’.
Bespoke Buzzword Ideation: move beyond ‘customised’ to a ‘singularly sculpted’ guest experience. Our linguistic alchemists craft the lexicons of tomorrow.
Metaphor Mastery: marvel as your hotel’s most mundane moments are not just described, but ‘unfurled like the petals of a rare bloom under the moonlit sky’.
The Eloquence Embellishment Engine is the hotel marketer’s gateway to the augmentation of perception and the redefinition of luxury itself. Through curated communication and eloquent elaboration, we will strive ceaselessly to enhance the essence of five-star hospitality.
To illustrate the transformative effect of the service, consider these examples:
Before: “Enjoy our spicy margarita.”
After: “Imbibe the choreographed concoction of our piquant margarita, a testament to our mixologists’ unparalleled mastery over the sensory art of liquid alchemy.”
Before: “Our rooms feature ocean views.”
After: “Each chamber offers a meticulously framed portal to the ocean’s majesty, presenting vistas that speak silently of Neptune’s boundless empire.”
About Luxury Branding
Luxury Branding is a Svengali in the alchemy of luxury brands, transforming the leaden language of everyday encounters into the gold standard of hospitality hyperbole, translating the everyday into the extraordinary through the cliché of claptrap. More than a service, the Eloquence Embellishment Engine is an invitation to meet industry peers at the vanguard of linguistic innovation, where every word is a brushstroke on the canvas of luxury.
(Serious) Note to Editors
We invite all luxury hoteliers, marketing gurus and PRs to question the ubiquity of extravagant verbosity within our industry.
The Eloquence Embellishment Engine may be a foolish figment of our imagination, but the message it carries is real: perhaps it’s time to tone down the bombast, to celebrate the beauty of simplicity once again and just get on with the real job of making the experience itself worthy of ‘Wow’.
As ever, William Shakespeare got it right when, in a speech by Lord Salisbury in The Life and Death of King John (Act IV, Scene 2), he says, there is no need…
…. to be possess’d with double pomp,
To guard a title that was rich before,
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.
